The Pensioners of Dismal Swamp

Seventy-year-old balls are not designed to slide down metal, a fact Herman Bruins admits with a loud ‘Jesus!’ as his boys make contact.

A day later, he’ll be walking with his legs akimbo.

There’s been more than a few body parts get intimately acquainted with this fireman’s pole over the 20 years it’s been installed in the Dismal Swamp home of Herman and Heather Bruins but you probably don’t want to know which ones.

At 63 and 71, the pair aren’t quite lining up for the local retirement village, which Herman politely nicknames “dunrootin’”.

“One of the five regrets of dying people is that they no longer do silly things,” Herman says with a grin. “I don’t have that regret”.

“I don’t think you need to let age age you,” Heather says, simply.  “You can still dress and think how you want to.”

In 1977, Herman was a loud-mouthed, shaggy-haired paid up member of Mount Gambier’s infamous Mongrels motorcycle club.

Heather reckons she was of legal age and sound mind when she met Herman but his memories are slightly different.

“I was walking past a school with a bag of lollies,” he says with a chuckle.

At the time, the raging nightspot was the Barn Palais ten kilometres out of town which held dances every Saturday night.

“You used to go out to the Barn every Saturday night for dances and I liked his roughness,” she says.

Although more than a few shandies have dulled Herman’s memory, he can still remember exactly what she was wearing – “a dark blue satin dress with tiny white spots”.

Suddenly, the pair were an item.

A year later, they bought a block at Dismal Swamp, built a house and set about planning their ‘fun section’.

A friend and well-known local artist Mark de Nys built and installed the pole.

No-one can quite recall the year but they all can recall the bender they had after it was up and ready for shenanigans.

“We just wanted a fun feature, something a bit different,” Heather says. “Kids love it and big kids love it.

“A few drinks and everyone wants to come down it and all the heroes want to climb it. We haven’t had a mishap yet, thank god.”

The pole was in hot demand during Herman’s 70th birthday celebrations in 2018  - the unique party ride that benefits onlookers, although underwear does tend to make the ride a bit smoother.

Wearing merely his old Mongrels vest, Herman demonstrates a classic leap and twist, sliding gracefully downwards.

“Shut your eyes,” he yells as he reaches critical viewing point.

Sometime soon, the house will be up for sale and Herman reckons the pole may just be the clincher for a new buyer.

“It’s certainly a unique selling feature,” he declares. “A little added extra.”